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12:23pm, i am crumpled on the ground at mission and dolores on top of an impressive, gravelly smear of blood. the source… my chin. the impact from falling off of my bike and smashing my jaw into the ground is so bad that my ears ring for half an hour afterwards. hour by hour, my body works feverishly to fill the gaping hole of flesh where the pointiest part of my chin once was. for girlies dinner, i swallow malatang lamb strips without chewing because my teeth are unusable in their agony. i’m not going to be able to eat hard foods for a week. richard, mina, and i play hours of overcooked to nourish my mental health. i cry a little because i can’t find the lace bookmark mina crocheted me and the blue-pink one is my FAVOURITE. the ambient light of the lamp is soft on richard’s frowny-face and i toddle on the verge of sleep because the entire scene feels so comforting. at 10pm, unc alex gets back from his 13 hour startup shift and immediately uber couriers me the last of his tegaderm and 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i had a terrible week at the beginning of february and went to a friend’s place to bake cookies. singles inferno was playing on the TV & flo softly tapped a beat on my wrist. we cuddled on the couch and i felt a fluffy little tendril of my soul curl towards hers. i remember lying in bed that night, thinking: this is what life was meant to be. intimacy. finding comfort in the little joys of friendship— holding hands with the girlies, warm half-gooey cookies, scalding my throat with sesame butter brittle, and fluffy scarves. intimacy feels like a form of morphine. applied correctly, it dulls the senses and drowsies the mind into euphoria. you are meant to experience pain, and how you deal with it— whether with appreciation or grace or escapism— is ultimately what defines your being. the beauty and horror of my life is that my happiness is largely based off of what i can add to the lives of others; from my job as a designer to my favourite hobbies. thinking about intimate little things 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had a terrible week at the beginning of february and went to a friend’s place to bake cookies. singles inferno was playing on the TV & flo softly tapped a beat on my wrist. we cuddled on the couch and i felt a fluffy little tendril of my soul curl towards hers.\n\ni remember lying in bed that night, thinking: this is what life was meant to be. intimacy. finding comfort in the little joys of friendship— holding hands with the girlies, warm half-gooey cookies, scalding my throat with sesame butter brittle, and fluffy scarves. intimacy feels like a form of morphine. applied correctly, it dulls the senses and drowsies the mind into euphoria.\n\nyou are meant to experience pain, and how you deal with it— whether with appreciation or grace or escapism— is ultimately what defines your being. the beauty and horror of my life is that my happiness is largely based off of what i can add to the lives of others; from my job as a designer to my favourite hobbies. \n\nthinking about intimate little 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getting ejected from my bike helped me realize how much of an intimacy snog i am. i think its a huge part of what makes life sweet + worth living, & i unabashedly derive a lot of it from my besties. in some ways, it is fanatical and consuming but i don’t think of it as sexual or carnal at all. my friends are my schemers, and we amplify one another’s success. to me, friend intimacy represents a sense of close familiarity and care— concretely, it feels like a mixture of comfort, appreciation, and light platonic physical touch. intimacy is the unspoken two-way promise we make that everything shall be okay, & that we are there for one another through thick, and clearly, very thin skin. mina makes me a cup of pear tea while handily fixing the newest additions to my expansive jewelry collection: a tarnished silver bracelet i thrifted at an estate sale, and an indonesian mother of pearl necklace i broke by fiddling with the chain too aggressively. she looks at me like i am the dumbest person 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worth living, & i unabashedly derive a lot of it from my besties. in some ways, it is fanatical and consuming but i don’t think of it as sexual or carnal at all. my friends are my schemers, and we amplify one another’s success. \n\nto me, friend intimacy represents a sense of close familiarity and care— concretely, it feels like a mixture of comfort, appreciation, and light platonic physical touch. intimacy is the unspoken two-way promise we make that everything shall be okay, & that we are there for one another through thick, and clearly, very thin skin. \n\nmina makes me a cup of pear tea while handily fixing the newest additions to my expansive jewelry collection: a tarnished silver bracelet i thrifted at an estate sale, and an indonesian mother of pearl necklace i broke by fiddling with the chain too aggressively. she looks at me like i am the dumbest person in the world, and perhaps i am, because i will always care for my besties more than i care for 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